Trailer Trash, or Will Paul Make it Home?

Thank you for your patience, dear readers. I realize it's been almost a Month since I last posted (hmm... reminds me of being Catholic: "bless me father, for I have sinned... it's been one month since my last confession."). Oy.

In truth, there hasn't been a lot to report on my end, and Paul was too busy to write. When we last left you, I was starting my month of Uvic summer teaching, living in our basement suite in Victoria. I'd spent just one brief, lovely week at Flying Leap Farm before driving back. My month was... busy and boring. Although I enjoyed being in the classroom, as always. Sitting marking papers was boring, though, and I missed Paul and Cassius something fierce.

As for Paul, he accomplished tons: mowed the whole dang three acres, which was knee-high in dry grass, with our New riding mower; trimmed some of the lower branches on various Trees; made contact with a Builder, got the Permit application process underway, met a few of our Neighbours, etc. etc. He also entertained house guests, who helped him begin Demolition of the back entrance.

Before we knew it, it was time for Paul to drive back to Victoria to do some minor Maintenance on the Chambers St. house that he hadn't got to earlier, and to pack me up and bring me home. Therein begins our current Adventure. Paul, being the Bargain Hunter he is-- and usually a fine one, at that-- thought that instead of renting a U-Haul again, he would buy a second-hand Trailer to use for the duration of the renovations as well as this last move. Brilliant idea. I accompanied him to the Trailer's location, and my first thought on seeing it was 'that is one Ugly trailer.' Then, (in the voice of Gandalf) 'Is it safe?' I demurred to Paul's decision in the purchase, however, trusting in his good sense.

Well. Two days later, after repair work to the electrical/driving lights system, he was Hitched up and on his way back to Chambers St., when... the hitch broke. Bouncing along with only the safety chains holding things together. More repairs involving a Welder, and sheets of Plywood for where the truck hitch had rammed into the front of the trailer after they had parted ways. Maintenance on the house now being replaced by maintenance on the Trailer. I finished teaching Friday the 19th, cleaned and packed Saturday, and left for Home on Sunday. Paul was to follow as Soon as he was able.

Which turns out to be... Not Yet. I give to you, for your amusement and perhaps alarm, the following Excerpt from Paul's email to me last night:

(10:49 pm)

"I'm at the beautiful Ponderosa Motel and Sushi Bar in Princeton, BC: home of a number of high-temperature records and only a single day's wait for new auto parts from the Lower Mainland. I got on the 7:00 ferry yesterday and noticed on the boat that one of the trailer tires seemed a little low, so I filled it at the first service station after Tsawassen and bought a tire pressure gauge and, for some reason, a small LED flashlight. I drove very carefully to Hope, then aimed for Princeton starting at 11. There were so few people on the road at that time, it seemed best to drive when there was little potential for conflict. I drove slowly, letting people pass.

The first trailer tire went thwappa-thwappa-thwappa at 1:45 a.m., just past Manning Park. The pickup's bolt wrench was the wrong size and the bolts were frozen, but I had tools packed and eventually hammered & torqued them loose. I'll need a new ratchet set; I didn't know I could bend one like that. Adjustable-jaw crecent wrenches worked better.

The spare tire had only 20 psi (though the guy who sold me the trailer had filled them all to 34) and the wheel it was mounted on didn't have any clearance from the frame, so I had to take it off again and reverse it. I did this with the little flashlight between my teeth, turning around often to check for bears or zombies. One driver stopped to say he couldn't stop. There was only about one vehicle every 15 minutes, mostly big rigs. I always stopped what I was doing and stepped away from the trailer when someone passed, remembering all those stories that start with "The victim was changing a tire at the side of the road" and end with "identified through dental records."

The second tire shredded after 20 minutes more of driving, just before 3 a.m. I was climbing much higher up in the mountains now so it was very cold and I'd used all my warm clothes to pack breakables. The second spare was completely flat. Fortunately, I realized I had packed a bike pump. It takes about 350 pumps to fill a car tire with one of those, which is warming. I also topped up the first spare, with the filler tube now on the inside of the wheel under the trailer.

The first spare started clunking about 5 km outside Princeton, around 4:45. As I had no more backup tires and didn't care about the ones I had, I kept going for a couple of clicks and until I got to the Husky station. To my surprise, the tire wasn't flat -- but four of the five bolts were sheared off and the last was holding on by the remaining nut, which was two-thirds off. I slept for a couple of hours, and when I woke up there was a flatbed tow-truck driver getting some coffee at the station. He worked for a tire place just up the hill. Perfect.

It turns out the previous owners had changed the axle without checking the tires for clearance. They were all Bridgestone T/As, wide performance car tires. They barely fit inside the fenders, but once the trailer was loaded (those watered plants are wicked heavy) they widened out and hit metal. Then one reversed spare tire couldn't hold it's centring, snapped the bolts and chewed almost through the hub. The guys at the shop had never seen the type of damage I had. I got the sense there were some bits they might be framing.

I moved the heaviest plants from the trailer into the pickup but the parts, including proper trailer tires, won't arrive until tomorrow. The trailer should drive and track much better after that, will last longer and be a lot safer.

Through all this I didn't find myself cursing or screaming -- it was more like "Really? Seriously?" And the whole thing's been some weird kind of fun, like one of those computer games where you have to figure out how to use the gear you've collected to complete the challenge. Collect little flashlight; use little flashlight. Tire gauge, wrenches... even two same-keyed padlocks I bought a couple of days ago -- they can't move the trailer inside to store it overnight because it has no wheels now, so I needed the locks to secure the contents. It's like everything I had a passing hunch I should get, I've needed.

What frightens me is, today I picked up some bear spray."

 

Will Paul make it home Safely? By how much will the Bargain Trailer have exceeded the cost of renting, and how much will Jo-Anne care? Will the repair costs be Deductible in the same way the Rent of a U-Haul would have been? Are any Revenue Canada employees reading this right now? And why are there no photographs with this post? Stay tuned, dear readers.